Yeh yeh i know, you looked at the title and you’re now asking, “what does this guy mean draw 1-0, that doesn’t even make sense!” Before you think I’m as dim-witted as the editor of the New York Post who gave the all clear for a headline stating, ‘USA wins 1-1’ against England, two summers ago; I’m referring to that infamous ‘goal that never was’ once again rearing its ugly head in the beautiful game, making more people shout things at FIFA like, “where is goal-line technology?”, “we want sensors telling referees when the ball crosses the line!” and “who is this FIFA? I thought that was just a playstation game!”
It should have been a draw but ohwell, lets be happy luck was on our side and the 3 points were ours. I heard someone after the final whistle blew announce its about time we had our share of fortune, going on to say that it seems there has been a curse over the England football team ever since the questionable, ‘was it or wasn’t it over the line’ goal in that glorious win against Germany 46 years ago. Yeh, I don’t really give in to the idea that there is some vengeful German footballing god who is punishing us for our win, I think that’s clutching at straws a bit there my compadre, we’re just not very good.
Wayne Rooney scored one of the best goals of the tournament, powering a header in from the far distance of just 1 foot away from the goal line, past a keeper who wasn’t actually there. The assist for this magnificent goal came from a sharp cross by Steven Gerrard, that saw the ball touch so many players on its way to Rooney’s un-balding head, you might’ve thought the match had momentarily turned into a life-size game of pinball. We were tactically effective, using the stubborn and mind-numbingly boring approach of letting a mediocre attacking force bombard wayward, misplaced and optimistic passes into our world class back 4, something we’ll take all day long. Ukraine responded by putting their veteran talisman striker on who is 35 years old and therefore, by footballing standards, is deemed old, even though he has many, many years of life ahead of him. Crows feet and slow feet meant Shevchenko didn’t have much of an impact and the result was ours!
Sarcasm and slight bitterness of having to watch 90 minutes of pure dullness aside, well done to our lads for doing something that many didn’t think was possible, before the tournament I thought the chance of Andy Carroll becoming the face of herbal essences shampoo was more likely to happen.
I realise that this article only appeals to a small percentage of bloggers who are England supporters. If you’re not English and not interested then please, accept this cute picture of some penguins as a consolation. Not everyone loves England… but dam! everyone loves penguins!